3 Things I Wish I Had Known Before My Daughter Went Off to College

*Before you read this post, make sure to check Part 1 & 2 of the series "10 Conversations Parents Need to Have With Their Kids Before College Begins"

Everyone knows that hindsight is 20/20, and when it comes to preparing your teen to attend college--I want to share the three things I wish I had known before my daughter Jayda went to college.

Don't Take Too Many Credits Your First Year!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

The first thing won’t surprise some of you, but taking 19, 18, or even 17 credits is too much for a freshman! Your over-achieving teen may want to tackle more credits, and they may have friends doing the same---but please encourage your student to reduce the credits to a more manageable course load. Be warned, it is common for engineering and science majors to take 17 plus credits to graduate in four years, but this can be too much pressure too soon. 

Friends and family tried to warn us, but Jayda took 19 credits in her spring semester, and as predicted by onlookers, it did not go well. She was juggling her challenging course load, tutoring sessions, social activities, physical and emotional wellness,  and as predicted--a couple of the balls dropped. “Balls dropping” wasn’t the end of the world, but it did mean summer school was in her future! So take it from us, encourage your young adult to take a balanced amount of courses.

Understand Your Child is a Legal Adult

Do you see my Jayda? I was blown away by this professional picture she took at a conference in Las Vegas during her first semester of college. ​I said, "When did this happen? When did she turn into an adult?!" 

Secondly, I wish I understood the implications of having my child as a legal adult. I quickly learned that although the university would send us a bill, I would only have a right to her student account if she gave permission. Not only that but since she was 18, helping her if she was ever in an emergency would be difficult or even impossible. I know of a young girl who had an accident at school, but the parents could only get information from the hospital because she was conscious and could consent. 

Another family I know, whose son attended school in a different state, was injured on campus. The hospital kept in touch with the school but did not pass on the "private information" to the parents. So, when I learned about getting power of attorney for Jayda, it made perfect sense. There's a great company that handles everything at a very affordable price and has given me the peace I need while my daughter is off at school. With power of attorney, I can help her without privacy becoming an issue.
Use my link to get 20% off: https://share.mamabearlegalforms.com/Ayanna to get your paperwork taken care of--better now than when a crisis hits.

Mental Health Should Be A Top Concern

Photo by Alex Green from Pexels

And finally, the third, and one of the most important things I wish I had known before sending Jayda off to school, was how depression, anxiety, and suicides are at an all-time high in our country. Mental health should be a top concern of every family. 

Read these stats from the Health Research Funding Website:
Teen Depression Statistics

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death for the 12-18 age demographic
• 14% of teens suffered at least one episode of depression within the last 12 months
• 20% of teens will experience depression before adulthood
• 10-15% of teens have some symptoms of teen depression at any one time
• 80% of teens don't receive help for their depression
• Female teens are twice as likely to have symptoms of depression as male teens of the same age.

Photo by SHVETS production

So, although I had prepared my daughter to care for her mental health, she was surrounded by struggling college students. In fact, during the first week of school, an art student in her dorm was on the verge of suicide. And every month, Jayda would call, or I'd receive an email from the school informing us of a student death. 

Every month, a student died of suicide, drugs, or an unknown cause at her school. Plastered on every wall were posters about suicide prevention. And during her first year, Jayda called the suicide helpline 3x to get help for other students. I had no clue it was so bad on campuses around the nation. Some schools don't share when a student commits suicide, but it is happening, and I want other parents to know and become aware of the problem.

Photo by Thought Catalog

Since the Covid-19 pandemic, mental health struggles have sky-rocketed. Parents, 5,400 estimated suicide attempts are made each day by teens in the United States. Academic stress, new friendships, unhealthy romantic relationships, financial pressure, family issues, peer pressure, conflicts, and more can negatively impact your child. Some students do not come home after going off to college. They leave and never return. Can you imagine the heartache? Literally, three students died during finals week at the end of Jayda's first year of college. 

Please, please tell your child the most important thing is their life. They might be failing a class, on academic probation, or even on the verge of being kicked out of school--but please assure them that you value their life over everything. I remember telling Jayda, "I want you to know that, even if you need to drop out--your dad and I will be okay because we value your life above everything else." 

Ayanna (left), Jayda (middle), Bryan (Right)

I sent Jayda off to school mentally and emotionally strong, and trust me--she had her moments of struggle--but I never knew to talk with her about how to handle those struggling around her. Once the year ended, Jayda and I reflected upon her year. It was a good year, but she had some challenging moments. We both agreed that regular counseling sessions during the school year would help her navigate the future pressures of college. 

In summary, not taking too many credits, the legal implications of having an adult child, and the mental health crisis on campus are the three things I wish I had known before sending Jayda off to college.

I'd love to hear from you--what did you think about this blog post?
What resonated with you?
Did anything surprise you?
For those of you who have gone through this already, what were the three things you wish you knew before sending your child to college?

​Comment Below.